Swine flu. Run for my life!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize