how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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