dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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