Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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