The maid of honor just puked.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
