dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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