I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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