its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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