can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
