He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
