I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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