I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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