just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
