your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
