remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
