just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
