I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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