Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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