Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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