Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you win again, gameday.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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