dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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