Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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