FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
