it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
