Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Houston, we have a blender
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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