Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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