i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
