You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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