Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
