How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
