I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
