I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are the jesus of drinking
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
