dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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