Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
