I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
