Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize