I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Buhtt sex?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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