All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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