i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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