Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize