yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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