I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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