I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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