I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
