Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
