Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Randomize
