hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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