Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
