I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize