Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The ass gains better be worth it
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