just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
