You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
