i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
