you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
