i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
