her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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