I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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