He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize