So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize