shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm passing your future prison.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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