I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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