just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was confusing and full of hummus
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
