I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize