mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think a kid would responsible me up
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
