I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
