I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
