You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
