If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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