brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
