I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
