Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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