I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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