Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
