He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
