either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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