I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
