forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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