I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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