Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
